I live in Sunny Florida, in a beautiful house with an enclosed swimming pool and we are surrounded by a beautiful lake. When I get up in the morning, I grab my nice hot cup of coffee and newspaper and sit outside on the patio to enjoy the beautiful fresh air, the large majestic Cranes who make the lake their home, and all of the lush Palm trees and greenery which frame our property. This is my Paradise!
In the last week since my last post, I have been feeling very poorly. Ever since the surgery on my back in 2004, I tend to have wonderful days and then there are some not so wonderful days. The not so wonderful days I spend mostly in bed due to excruciating pain when I walk. For some reason, unknown to me, I seemed worse this last week. No matter what I tried, pain pills, stretches, resting in bed, yoga etc. nothing worked and I found myself walking hunched over more than the "Hunch-Back of Notre Dame". (That was one of my favorite films by the way). Anyway, being a student of metaphysics and the art of Positive Thinking, it finally hit me that maybe my recent bout with severe back pain may actually have something to do with how I have been feeling spiritually and also emotionally.
I am not a religious person but, I am Spiritual. I am the type that gives thanks for everything good or bad constantly count my blessing, and they are many. I usually walk out on the patio and in the stillness and silence of the night, offer prays of gratitude to the Universe and the Spirits that guide me. But, I think I had been forgetting to ask for blessings for myself. I was just accepting my fate and never bothered to say that I wanted help healing and getting rid of my pain. I believe that comes from many things in my childhood where I was not allowed to ask for anything or maybe did not feel deserving of it.
So, after suffering through a rough weekend, yesterday morning something was different. I was feeling sad and at the same time angry.I was very angry that I needed a cane to help me walk. I wanted to throw the cane into the lake. While sitting out on my beautiful patio and enjoying the beautiful morning, a little voice in me told me to re-examine the events of the previous week. There were some personal things happening in my life. How had I been processing this? Was I internalizing and not speaking up or letting off steam? And like a lightning strike it hit me!! I had some pent up anger.......which literally stopped me in my tracks. I could not MOVE ON or did not want to MOVE FORWARD until these issues were resolved. Needless to say, the opportunity presented itself yesterday near dinner time. I had a heated exchange with my darling husband and I was able to let off some steam and finally open up about somethings that were bothering me. We were at an impasse, so I just went off for a quiet drive to clear my mind and to cry. When I got back I felt wonderful. I still had to use the cane, but my soul felt better.
This morning as I grabbed my cup of coffee and newspaper and walked out on the patio, my husband greeted me with a kiss, the morning air seemed even fresher and the lake was more beautiful than ever...............oh and the cane? Well, it sits alone in a corner of my bedroom!!
