It's Been A While-Nice To Be Back!

The headlines in today's paper reads: "I begged her to leave him" and as I scanned over there was a picture of a beautiful lady who was the victim in this story. Once again, domestic violence has reared it's ugly head. The killer was her boyfriend of 6 years and the father of one of her children. She could or would not leave him because she was crazy about him. Many times she could not go to work because of her bruises and black eyes. I think she got used to the pain and suffering-she probably never thought in her wildest dreams that he would kill her!

Having been a victim of child abuse and then later of domestic abuse, I can well relate to the nightmare this unfortunate lady was living. As a child, I had no alternative or choices as to whether to leave or stay. I was stuck living with my circumstances. I finally put my foot down and threatened to report him when I was 18. Now you think, well that was old enough for me to make my own decisions and move out. You need to understand that this was a different time and era. I was still in high school and my options were limited.

However, as an adult, when faced with domestic violence. He was the love of my life-or so I thought! How naive! I knew that I had only one choice and that was to leave. But, not before experiencing several years of bullying, beatings and emotional distress. For me the final straw was having to abort a fetus when I realized I was pregnant and on the verge of divorce. He claimed it was not his. I was one of the lucky ones as I was threatened by him with a gun when he was served with divorce papers and would have to pay child support.

Many years later, I am left wondering what is it about human nature that causes such battering. Why do parents abuse their children? Why do partners abuse and kill their so called loved ones? What causes individuals to be violent? What makes anyone want to hit, punch or kill a domestic partner? The only answer I can come up with is that these individuals are not like the rest of us. They are wired differently! Is their anger like a disease? Maybe in a previous life they were victims of some horrible crime and their soul remembers, so in this life they seek retaliation. I know one thing these batterers have in common is the need to be in control-to dominate! The other thing they have in common is that they lack compassion! Otherwise, how could they lift a hand to strike anyone or anything!

Unfortunately, the victims of child abuse or any type of abuse if they survive, are left with long term physical and emotional scars. As evident by the stories of multiple personality disorder victims, those who suffer from mental disorders, some fibromyalgia sufferers (like myself) and many other examples to numerous to mention. Yes, we are survivors and yes we are FREE of the abuse if you finally break the pattern, but you are never really FREE as the reminders creep up when you turn on the TV or open up the Newspaper-So, I am left to wonder; to keep questioning the-WHYS!