Where Did I Come From and Where Do I Really Belong?

Every night,  for as long as I can remember, I step outside and look up to the heavens or if you prefer the night sky. As I scan around looking at the many stars, planets and other lights. I am always sure to say a prayer of thanks for my many blessings; good or bad. Then I spend some time just speaking to whoever or whatever is listening.  There are those that say some of us retain cell memories or maybe I should say "soul" memories from previous lives. So, from the time I was a child until present time, I have felt like I was on the outside looking in. I have always felt like I didn't belong and that I came from the heavens. Crazy right? Not so fast.....

Now. please understand something about me. I am a deep thinker who questions the why's, how's and the don't make sense! I've long ago questioned where humanity came from and why we are here. My unconventional thinking kept me from accepting and constantly questioning my Catholic upbringing. For example, if the bible and catholic doctrine were God's words, why were priests and nuns not afraid of suffering eternity in damnation. That is what they taught us. IF you sin you go to HELL!! Yet, they were sinning all the time! Example of that is the sex abuse scandals. Sexually abusing boys or any child for that matter in my book deserves burning in hell for all eternity!! I didn't really mean to digress there but I needed you to see an example of how my mind works and what kinds of things I question. Needless to say, I am no longer a practicing Catholic.

So, back to my previous comment about sky watching. In the past few months I've been reading some really thought provoking stuff. I've read about how ancient aliens came to earth to mine gold and other precious minerals and needed worker/slaves so they used DNA from primitive man and joined it with their own to create a race of slaves to work at building the pyramids and also working the mines for them. One of the actors made the comment that if this is true than we are "their children." Whew! Big Breath!!! Sounds ludicrous-does it not?  This is what I'm talking about. These are the kinds of things that run through my mind. The irony in this is that over this weekend, my husband and I saw a movie made in the 1980 called "Hangar 18" and guess what? The premise of the movie was exactly what I just said. One of the actors even made the comment that if this is true then we are "their children." Now where did they-the writers- get this crazy idea from?

Is it possible that some of us can actually sense that we are different? Is that why some of us are more psychic than others? If you have ever felt like you were not quite like everyone else or you are constantly drawn to books and movies about anything otherworldly......you are not crazy!

Adult children of abuse or alcoholic parents experience all sorts of dilemmas and exhibit many different traits then most normal people. Some grow up to be multiple personalities. Some grow up to repeat the sins of the parents. Some grow up exhibiting unusual characteristics and talents. I learned how to escape in my mind and imagine lots of alternative lives. I learned to question everything and to take nothing on blind faith. If I could have chosen anywhere else to live, why did I choose to be born into an alcoholic, abusive and poor household?

I know my spirit came from elsewhere and that I am having a human experience.......as I stare into the night sky, I am still asking "where did I come from and where do I really belong?"