It's been said that as your parents age the roles between them and their children change. The children start behaving like the parents and the parents start behaving like the children. Suddenly you find yourself speaking differently to them because maybe their hearing has changed or their eyesight is faltering. At times you have to speak more slowly in order for them to understand what you are telling them. Telling them a story might take a little longer because of all the interruptions and all the questions they ask. It actually gets to be quite comical when you consider it's your parents you are dealing with. The ones that raised you and were the pillars of strength; the ones you always looked up to, were now looking up to you!
My parents are in their late 80's and I can honestly say that I am truly enjoying them more now than ever. Keeping in mind that the parent/child relationship while I was growing up, was absolutely awful and memories and my past will remain as such as I have no desire to rehash them. All of the forgiving has taken place and besides with my parents being in their 80's, they really don't remember too much so what's the point. They are very different now from the way they used to be. Now, when I stop by to visit them, they are like little kids because I hardly ever visit them empty-handed. For instance, mom loves to play scratch off lottery tickets. So I buy some for her and surprise her. Or maybe I stop by the grocery store and call her to ask her if she wants or needs anything. Due to their age, getting out and about is very difficult.
My focus is to bring them "goodies" they would not otherwise purchase for themselves. They live on a fixed income and mom tends to be very frugal. What's funny is that when I stop by, dad is usually in the bedroom and comes right out to see what I brought for him. He has quite a "sweet-tooth" and although he has to watch it due to his health, that doesn't stop him for craving cake, cookies and fruit. My philosophy is that at age 89 he should be able to eat whatever he wants within reason. This week I decided to make them a plain yellow cake and I also had these gigantic oranges the size of grapefruit that I knew they'd love. My dad is always amazed at my timing. Mom has just fixed him a cup of coffee and here I had cake for him. He says that I have ESP which I do because I always seem to know when he has a taste for a treat.
And just like two little kids they starting arguing about how many oranges each would get. And by the way, as I was leaving my dad said that he's been having a craving for coconut cookies. So guess what I'll be taking them on my next visit!
About Me
- Angela Zechinato
- Viera, Florida, United States
- Living the Florida Lifestyle with my husband Max and enjoying my life with 2 furry poodles Sissy and Missy who I call my children. My human children are all grown and on their own. I am a proud grandmother of 5. We live in Sunny, Central Florida in a gorgeous house on a lake. I am blessed to have overcome my abusive upbringing and have decided that it is time to write about it to help others who experienced the same physical and emotional abuse. This Blog is dedicated to those who have remained silent!!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Complicated Grief :Also Known as Prolonged Grief Disorder
Many years ago, I worked as a Family Service Counselor for a major Cemetery/Funeral Home Company. My job was to help families make final arrangements for the funeral and burial of their loved ones. From the minute they walked into our facilities, I was responsible for everything from supervising how their loved ones were "waked" to arranging of the type of graveside service requested. My job was to make sure that everything was done as specified and to make sure that the families were not inconvenience in any way. After the burial, I also helped in the bereavement process. By that I mean that if counseling was needed, I helped the families find the appropriate agencies. Everyone mourns in their own way!
When a loved one dies, there is a natural process of grieving that takes place. One of the worst things that can happen to anyone, is to have to bury a loved one be it a child, parent or spouse. And with each situation, the process varies. What I mean is that if we lose a parent who has been aged and in ill health, the loss is great but might not be as traumatic as the loss of a child; young or older. Nobody wants nor should have to bury a child. However life isn't fair and it happens. Sometimes we lose a spouse and again the grieving depends on how long the illness or whether it was sudden or due to aging.
In every instance the level of grieving varies. Many of us are able to move on from our loss within a certain amount of time and many times we are unable to move on period; while others are unable to get on with thier lives without great difficulty. What determines what is the right amount of time to grieve a loss? Is there a time clock that goes off and says alright enough of this, get back to your life and shake it off? I know that sounds a little harsh but I say that to make a point.
I have not been immune to loss as I have helped my own son bury his beautiful wife at the young age of 28 in 1997. My older brother lost a son the following year to violence. And last June, I received that dreaded phone call that my handsome, talented 27 year old Nephew was found deceased in his condo. As traumatic as this was to me, the level of pain and suffering experienced by his loving parents was no comparison. He was my younger brother's oldest son of two sons.
It's important to point out that my brother is a well known Senator in the state of Illinois and to protect his privacy, I will leave it there. He spent most of his career working in his community to help protect the young and doing all within his power to help everyone who sought him out. How was he to know that his background and experience would in no way prepare him for the brick wall of suffering he would crash into.The amount of grief and pain that he and my beautiful sister-in-law would encounter was unbearable then and still is today!
I know it's been 9 months and maybe it's time to get over it and on with their lives-right? Wrong!!!!!!
Over all these long months, my dear brother has been stuck in the limbo of the worst grief and suffering and physical pain anyone could ever be expected to tolerate. He has talked, cried and talked some more until he had no one else who would listen. After awhile most people unable to deal with this type of grief, became uncomfortable whenever he called or went to see them. FAMILY included! The average person is totally unprepared to help someone who is "stuck" in this hell! As his older sister, I am feeling so helpless at not knowing how to help him and it's killing me to feel his sadness! My fear has been that he would not be able to survive this and that the next phone call would be about his death. This thought has haunted me for months!
To his credit, he recently sent me a text telling me to google a paper that the Mayo Clinic wrote about Complicated Grief. Now, there was a name for what he was experiencing and also treatment! After all these months, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and a tremendous sense of hope!!! He is getting medication and whatever help he needs to get out of this hell which has kept him a prisoner for too long! He knows that I will be there for him no matter how long it takes and he will always have a sounding board in me. The important thing is that he is seeking a way out of his pain and suffering and for that I am very proud of him!
If you or a loved one is "stuck" and unable to move on from the loss of a loved one, maybe this might be of help. I am including the link to the Mayo Clinic paper. Please share this with everyone you know. This article is comprehensive and lists symptoms and what to do to get help.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/complicated-grief/DS01023
There is treatment and hope to help people with complicated grief come to terms with their loss and to help them reclaim a sense of joy and comfort.
When a loved one dies, there is a natural process of grieving that takes place. One of the worst things that can happen to anyone, is to have to bury a loved one be it a child, parent or spouse. And with each situation, the process varies. What I mean is that if we lose a parent who has been aged and in ill health, the loss is great but might not be as traumatic as the loss of a child; young or older. Nobody wants nor should have to bury a child. However life isn't fair and it happens. Sometimes we lose a spouse and again the grieving depends on how long the illness or whether it was sudden or due to aging.
In every instance the level of grieving varies. Many of us are able to move on from our loss within a certain amount of time and many times we are unable to move on period; while others are unable to get on with thier lives without great difficulty. What determines what is the right amount of time to grieve a loss? Is there a time clock that goes off and says alright enough of this, get back to your life and shake it off? I know that sounds a little harsh but I say that to make a point.
I have not been immune to loss as I have helped my own son bury his beautiful wife at the young age of 28 in 1997. My older brother lost a son the following year to violence. And last June, I received that dreaded phone call that my handsome, talented 27 year old Nephew was found deceased in his condo. As traumatic as this was to me, the level of pain and suffering experienced by his loving parents was no comparison. He was my younger brother's oldest son of two sons.
It's important to point out that my brother is a well known Senator in the state of Illinois and to protect his privacy, I will leave it there. He spent most of his career working in his community to help protect the young and doing all within his power to help everyone who sought him out. How was he to know that his background and experience would in no way prepare him for the brick wall of suffering he would crash into.The amount of grief and pain that he and my beautiful sister-in-law would encounter was unbearable then and still is today!
I know it's been 9 months and maybe it's time to get over it and on with their lives-right? Wrong!!!!!!
Over all these long months, my dear brother has been stuck in the limbo of the worst grief and suffering and physical pain anyone could ever be expected to tolerate. He has talked, cried and talked some more until he had no one else who would listen. After awhile most people unable to deal with this type of grief, became uncomfortable whenever he called or went to see them. FAMILY included! The average person is totally unprepared to help someone who is "stuck" in this hell! As his older sister, I am feeling so helpless at not knowing how to help him and it's killing me to feel his sadness! My fear has been that he would not be able to survive this and that the next phone call would be about his death. This thought has haunted me for months!
To his credit, he recently sent me a text telling me to google a paper that the Mayo Clinic wrote about Complicated Grief. Now, there was a name for what he was experiencing and also treatment! After all these months, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and a tremendous sense of hope!!! He is getting medication and whatever help he needs to get out of this hell which has kept him a prisoner for too long! He knows that I will be there for him no matter how long it takes and he will always have a sounding board in me. The important thing is that he is seeking a way out of his pain and suffering and for that I am very proud of him!
If you or a loved one is "stuck" and unable to move on from the loss of a loved one, maybe this might be of help. I am including the link to the Mayo Clinic paper. Please share this with everyone you know. This article is comprehensive and lists symptoms and what to do to get help.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/complicated-grief/DS01023
There is treatment and hope to help people with complicated grief come to terms with their loss and to help them reclaim a sense of joy and comfort.
If You Have Ever Bargained With God For Better Health.......You Need To Read This!
(March 8, 2011 - Originally posted July 30, 2009)
Have you ever bargained with God for better health? I have and this is a true story. Isn't it time to really do something about it. For two years I suffered as a virtual invalid due to Fibromyalgia, and Spinal Stenosis due to complications of back surgery with low energy and no stamina to even get out of bed. I started using MaxGXL in March of 2009 and even my own Doctor didn't believe it when he saw me in May. (Now actual results vary from person to person)
This is the March 8, 2011 and I am still totally medication free and my bed gets made up everyday as I no longer need to stay there all day). If you need verification my phone number is at the end of this post and I WILL be happy to tell you more about me and my experience,
Wouldn't it be great if you truly had a product that people wanted? (It works so well for me I decided to become an Associate and feel it is my responsibility to tell everybody about this marvelous and amazing product).
A product that was so unique that customers could only get it from you?
The company owned by Guthy-Renker (Pro-Activ) and Steven K. Scott (Total Gym) currently has several breakthrough products that are changing the way people build their home based business.... MaxGXL, MaxOne, Max-N-Fuze and recently added Visible Solutions Skin Care line.
MaxOne, for example, is a glutathione (Your Body's Miracle-Working Super-Protein) accelerator. Intracellular glutathione fights inflammation, preserving cellular health. It also works to help improve mental functions, increase energy, improve concentration, support increased exercise and improve heart and lung function-just to name a few of its benefits! The more glutathione a cell has, the better it can perform its function. Say NO to Accelerated aging and Say Yes to More Energy and Better Health!
The Wellness Industry is growing at a rate of $250 million a day, driven by the Baby Boomers, Gen X and Y and is now a $500 Billion industry on it's way to one trillion dollars. Best Selling Author, Paul Zane Pilzer says this:
"Let's take a look at two of the emerging powerhouse industries of today and
tomorrow-direct selling and wellness-and why, instead of simply
making a few dozen Henry Fords, Bill Gateses or Michael Dell rich, they are
creating fortunes for millions of home-based entrepreneurs."
If you are ready to begin to change your life, check out why doctors as well as athletes are embracing this product while at the same time creating your fortune in these emerging industries, click here to take the Max System Tour.
http://angielovesmax.com
Our team uses the best of technology to build at a rapid pace, but nothing beats speaking with a live person to get your questions, so feel free to give me a call.
Sincerely,
Angela Zechinato
Max International Independent Associate
P.S. Did you know that some of the richest people in the world own Network Marketing companies, including Richard Bronson, Warren Buffett and Donald Trump?
Contact ME:
Angela Zechinato
321-459-0402
azech49@gmail.com
http://angielovesmax.com
Have you ever bargained with God for better health? I have and this is a true story. Isn't it time to really do something about it. For two years I suffered as a virtual invalid due to Fibromyalgia, and Spinal Stenosis due to complications of back surgery with low energy and no stamina to even get out of bed. I started using MaxGXL in March of 2009 and even my own Doctor didn't believe it when he saw me in May. (Now actual results vary from person to person)
This is the March 8, 2011 and I am still totally medication free and my bed gets made up everyday as I no longer need to stay there all day). If you need verification my phone number is at the end of this post and I WILL be happy to tell you more about me and my experience,
Wouldn't it be great if you truly had a product that people wanted? (It works so well for me I decided to become an Associate and feel it is my responsibility to tell everybody about this marvelous and amazing product).
A product that was so unique that customers could only get it from you?
The company owned by Guthy-Renker (Pro-Activ) and Steven K. Scott (Total Gym) currently has several breakthrough products that are changing the way people build their home based business.... MaxGXL, MaxOne, Max-N-Fuze and recently added Visible Solutions Skin Care line.
MaxOne, for example, is a glutathione (Your Body's Miracle-Working Super-Protein) accelerator. Intracellular glutathione fights inflammation, preserving cellular health. It also works to help improve mental functions, increase energy, improve concentration, support increased exercise and improve heart and lung function-just to name a few of its benefits! The more glutathione a cell has, the better it can perform its function. Say NO to Accelerated aging and Say Yes to More Energy and Better Health!
The Wellness Industry is growing at a rate of $250 million a day, driven by the Baby Boomers, Gen X and Y and is now a $500 Billion industry on it's way to one trillion dollars. Best Selling Author, Paul Zane Pilzer says this:
"Let's take a look at two of the emerging powerhouse industries of today and
tomorrow-direct selling and wellness-and why, instead of simply
making a few dozen Henry Fords, Bill Gateses or Michael Dell rich, they are
creating fortunes for millions of home-based entrepreneurs."
If you are ready to begin to change your life, check out why doctors as well as athletes are embracing this product while at the same time creating your fortune in these emerging industries, click here to take the Max System Tour.
http://angielovesmax.com
Our team uses the best of technology to build at a rapid pace, but nothing beats speaking with a live person to get your questions, so feel free to give me a call.
Sincerely,
Angela Zechinato
Max International Independent Associate
P.S. Did you know that some of the richest people in the world own Network Marketing companies, including Richard Bronson, Warren Buffett and Donald Trump?
Contact ME:
Angela Zechinato
321-459-0402
azech49@gmail.com
http://angielovesmax.com
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